The Still Voice Amidst the Chaos

The month of November was really a God-month. Despite how busy it was, He still had so much to say. Not only did I attend 3 conferences, I read a bunch of Christian books. And over and over again I felt God telling me to get ready.

When I quit my job in July, I really felt that God was saying that I was entering a time of preparation. I felt like I was standing in front of a rolled up red carpet and God was preparing me to walk down it. My life was unfolding before my very eyes! I was so excited. But of course life happened and everything flipped upside down that month. Then I went to Belize and regained my focus. I remembered my vision and all the things that I wanted to accomplish in my life. I was rejuvenated when I went to Italy, where I continued to be excited. I gained so much insight about myself while being away and about the woman that I hope to one day be. Being back I realise how each day has been and continues to be some sort of training. Many tests I passed with flying colors and others I wait for the retake date. I wish that this time of preparation was just for 2007 but November told me that it will continue into the months to come.

During the past few months, especially the past few weeks, I have been reminded of the Bible characters Joshua and Caleb. They were the only two Israelites of those who left Egypt allowed to enter the land God had promised them. They were the only two who trusted God's promises and believed that He would keep them. I empathize with them as God prepares me for the promises He has spoken to me. I need to trust Him. I need to believe. And I need to be ready. I need to train myself for what lies ahead. And for me to be ready, I need to make sure I have strong foundations. I have been reminded so often of the basics of my faith. It's so easy to get caught up in everytyhing else and forget what it is really about. It's a very simple faith. Love God. Love others. And fulfill the purpose that God has for you that is designed to share His love. And it is fulfilled by following Him. Not living for myself because... it's not about me. It's about everyone else who needs love. And so many people in this world need love. So for me to follow God I need to choose Him. And that isn't always easy. Though always loving others and not living for myself isn't often easy either! But that's apart of choosing Him. And choosing Him is hard. But it's what my life should be built on. It's choosing love even when the person hurt you. It's saying no even when you want to say yes. It's waking up early to worship and staying up late to pray. It's the fasting and being obedient... even though it's awkward or outside your comfort zone. And it's that... that's the foundations. That is what makes it through the storm. So when I'm stressed out or depressed... when I'm hurt and confused... it's choosing Him that keeps me going. Because it's not about me. It's about Him. It's about those who don't know love or hope or joy.

A lot of people have a lot to say about Christianity. I even have a lot to say about it sometimes. But it's not about people hitting you over the head with Bibles or trying to convert you to their perfect religion. It's not about people falling over in church service or about building a megachurch. It's not about making more money or about what a man standing at the pulpit does. It's not even about your past or presnt mistakes. It's just about love. It's about sharing it with those who need it most.

Thank You Yeshua for reminding me what I'm doing here.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,

that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

Matthew 7:24-27

"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people

to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything

written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,

for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:6-9

Overwhelming Chaos

November has been a pretty busy month for me. Besides the usually spending time with family and friends, I have been doing a lot of reading and planning. As well as, going to a lot of church type events and working at the daycare.

I spent the first week of the month driving and working at the daycare. Then Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday morning, Saturday night and Sunday morning were spent at a church conference called Miracles, Signs & Wonders. It was a pretty awesome conference because a lot of people were healed from many infirmities. And as much as I praised God for the work He did... I honestly left feeling pretty weird. I didn't see how I fit into the whole supernatural world. I believe in them... I just don't feel very connected to them! I found myself after not really wanting to talk to God. I avoided Him... I felt like I didn't know Him at all. It wasn't a very good start to the month. I found myself in a state of confusion... asking so many questions that no one could answer!



I did have a moment's rest and joy though :D On Sunday after church was surprised by my best friend from high school and her baby! I was so blessed! I hadn't gotten to see the baby yet and I just love surprises. I got to hold lil Madison... though she cried, I know she loves me! hahaha.





So the next week, work was pretty crazy that week. I'm a substitute at a daycare... by choice. I don't want my own class, I would rather go in for a few days and assist someone with their class. But for some reason that Friday, I had to work with another sub! Thankfully, I had already spent Wednesday and Friday with the class but... I'm still a sub! Nobody listens to subs! So Friday was pretty chaotic... especially since I had woken up with a fever! Arg! Then I went to a sleepover for the girls in my churches youth group. I volunteered to help my sister-in-law with the sleepover that was about "relationship & sex"... which is always a pretty challenging discussion topic. It's so easy to either tell them what they should or shouldn't do... or tell them all the mistakes you did or didn't make. Either way they end up feeling so disconnected that nothing leaves a lasting impact on them. I found myself so nervous about the whole ordeal! I didn't know what I could possible offer these girls... especially considering all the mistakes I have made! And I left feeling worse then when I went in... the month was just getting crappier and I was just getting further away from God.


After the sleepover, I went to a conference hosted by Montreal Women's Ministry Network. I was going to be performing with a dance team... which I was really nervous about. We only had one practice the weekend before and I learnt four dances. They weren't complicated dances but most of my dancing career has been a solo act. And when I have danced with people I always mess up! I use to be able to play it off but now I straight up laugh and let everyone know that I made a big mistake! Thankfully, I don't compete! So I was really hoping that I wouldn't mess it up because it would be a lot smaller of a group and they would see me laugh when I did! Thankfully the dances went really well! Praise God! And the conferences was awesome (more on that is soon to come).

But my weekend didn't end there! When I got home that night I had to prepare for Sunday School! I am in charge of the kid's Christmas presentation... so I found a song (with the help of my sister-in-law) for them to dance too. So Saturday night I wrote out all the lyrics to the song because I couldn't find them anywhere... and Sunday morning while waiting for my brother to pick me up, I made up the dance! Fortunately it's for little kids so it doesn't have to be complicated at all! Then Sunday I dealt with those crazy giggly girls! It was pretty draining!

And then the week starts all over again!

And it starts off on a pretty bad note again. On Tuesday my driving instructor decides to tell me that I should pay for 12 more hours of driving. He says I'm good but I just need to get better judgement! And I am fully aware that he might just be trying to get paid... but it made me feel so lousy! I was very discouraged. That week I also had a few jobs that I wantd to apply for... and that can always make you feel really crappy. Am I qualified? Am I ready to take on the job? Is my cover letter good? Is my resume good? I was lacking confidence in so many areas! So by the weekend I just wanted to cry! I was with my family but felt so disconnected from them. My brother tried to take me driving... and my mother fought with me. I felt like ass!

This month my family and I have also started to plan our family reunion! And I am somehow on the committee even though I am one of the younger family members! I spend Sunday's planning with my grandma and during the week I am emailng family and doing research! Yeah... the month has been insane!

Then the last Saturday of the month comes and I am feeling at my worst! And of all the people in the world to ring my doorbell that night... it's my best friend Grace!

I thank God for knowing just what I needed!

And God is able to make all grace abound to you,

so that in all things at all times,

having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Pet Peeves - November Edition

Wow! This is my first time writing in a month! And my last blog wasn't very encouraging! I guess I went through a bit of a slump! I like to call them my "just one of those days"... the kind that Monica described her song... that is titled "Just one of dem days"! But it often lasts a bit longer then days... usually weeks! So now it's none as my "I don't even want ice cream" time. Because it's true... I just start to feel so crappy... not even ice cream can satisfy me! And I refuse it! I first noticed this when I was in Belize. It was a big outing... the ice cream parlour! To get all sorts of flavors on a hot day after hard work! What could be more satisfying?!? Apparently... nothing for me! I refused to have any ice cream and sulked and cried in a corner! Just one of those days... no one is at fault... nothing triggers it! And I just take them as they come & pray that it only lasts a week and not a month!

Thankfully my November slump didn't last all of November... but so many things happened this month that I lost a lot of my desire to write. Or really to be alone with my thoughts and to have to look at them for what they were! It was a pretty chaotic month. But before I get into that... I want to share a few of my pet peeves! And those who know me really well, know that I have many! But November has given me so much more!

Most of my new pet peeves are centered around my new task of taking driving courses! It's been a very big goal of mine for... ever! So when I have finally found myself in a position able to do it, I decided to call a bunch of schools to find out who had the cheapest price for the 12 hour course! As I went through my list, I was amazed by how many people don't have phone etiquette! When choosing the school I actually based it on phone etiquette! Like, who said the name of the school when they answered the phone... or who sounded happy... or who actually knew how much the courses were! I had people hang up on me or sound like I was the biggest annoyance in their lives. I was so shocked! Though phone etiquette has always been one of my pet peeves! But I thought it was just my mom's rude friends that didn't have any! I would answer my phone and they would either yell out "Dee" (my mom's name) or just start rambling off to who they think is my mom about whatever seems to be so pressing at the time! Which I would often respond with a very dull and emotionless "Who do you want to speak with?" Many times I had to say that more than once! Because they couldn't grasp that my mother lived with other people... though they know she has three grown children! But fine, they were calling a house... fine! Don't have etiquette! But how do you get hired as a receptionist without knowing how to answer the phone! Or at least say good bye before you hang-up! In the very least!

And now that I have chosen my school and have completed 11 hours of my course... I have the pet peeve of other drivers! I have learnt very quickly that people do not like student drivers! Yes, we do drive a little slower then most and sometimes press the brake when the situation doesn't call for it. But once upon a time, we were all learner's!!! And I think that people should be even more considerate for a student driver because they are unpredictable! I might jsut brake without warning... or press the gas when I want to press the brake! God only knows what a student driver might do! But no one is thinking about this... they are just thinking that they really don't want to be behind the student driver! So when I start to change lanes, the person in that lane decides to speed up! And people keep cutting me off without putting on their indicator! Or they honk at me when I'm at a red light! What can I do about the red light people?!? What can I do?!? I'm not fond of driver's! I praise God for the happy music in my head that keeps me from getting angry while on the road... but in hindsight, I'm pretty peeved!

A few other pet peeves of mine that have manifested this month are... those who can't encourage! I'm a firm believer in the sandwich approach... you said a negative criticism in between two positive criticism! It just sounds nice! Leaves you feeling all warm inside instead of feeling like crap! Oh! And I hate those stupid facebook applications! It takes forever to load someone's page! For what?!? I don't care about zombies or football picks or how much booze your friends send you! And why on earth did Bell make the public phones cost 50 cents?!? What is that extra quarter really paying for?!?

Well, I should probably stop because this list could go on forever! Now I must move on to the more uplifting things from this month ;)