I spent the first week of the month driving and working at the daycare. Then Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday morning, Saturday night and Sunday morning were spent at a church conference called Miracles, Signs & Wonders. It was a pretty awesome conference because a lot of people were healed from many infirmities. And as much as I praised God for the work He did... I honestly left feeling pretty weird. I didn't see how I fit into the whole supernatural world. I believe in them... I just don't feel very connected to them! I found myself after not really wanting to talk to God. I avoided Him... I felt like I didn't know Him at all. It wasn't a very good start to the month. I found myself in a state of confusion... asking so many questions that no one could answer!
I did have a moment's rest and joy though :D On Sunday after church was surprised by my best friend from high school and her baby! I was so blessed! I hadn't gotten to see the baby yet and I just love surprises. I got to hold lil Madison... though she cried, I know she loves me! hahaha.
So the next week, work was pretty crazy that week. I'm a substitute at a daycare... by choice. I don't want my own class, I would rather go in for a few days and assist someone with their class. But for some reason that Friday, I had to work with another sub! Thankfully, I had already spent Wednesday and Friday with the class but... I'm still a sub! Nobody listens to subs! So Friday was pretty chaotic... especially since I had woken up with a fever! Arg! Then I went to a sleepover for the girls in my churches youth group. I volunteered to help my sister-in-law with the sleepover that was about "relationship & sex"... which is always a pretty challenging discussion topic. It's so easy to either tell them what they should or shouldn't do... or tell them all the mistakes you did or didn't make. Either way they end up feeling so disconnected that nothing leaves a lasting impact on them. I found myself so nervous about the whole ordeal! I didn't know what I could possible offer these girls... especially considering all the mistakes I have made! And I left feeling worse then when I went in... the month was just getting crappier and I was just getting further away from God.
After the sleepover, I went to a conference hosted by Montreal Women's Ministry Network. I was going to be performing with a dance team... which I was really nervous about. We only had one practice the weekend before and I learnt four dances. They weren't complicated dances but most of my dancing career has been a solo act. And when I have danced with people I always mess up! I use to be able to play it off but now I straight up laugh and let everyone know that I made a big mistake! Thankfully, I don't compete! So I was really hoping that I wouldn't mess it up because it would be a lot smaller of a group and they would see me laugh when I did! Thankfully the dances went really well! Praise God! And the conferences was awesome (more on that is soon to come).
But my weekend didn't end there! When I got home that night I had to prepare for Sunday School! I am in charge of the kid's Christmas presentation... so I found a song (with the help of my sister-in-law) for them to dance too. So Saturday night I wrote out all the lyrics to the song because I couldn't find them anywhere... and Sunday morning while waiting for my brother to pick me up, I made up the dance! Fortunately it's for little kids so it doesn't have to be complicated at all! Then Sunday I dealt with those crazy giggly girls! It was pretty draining!
And then the week starts all over again!
And it starts off on a pretty bad note again. On Tuesday my driving instructor decides to tell me that I should pay for 12 more hours of driving. He says I'm good but I just need to get better judgement! And I am fully aware that he might just be trying to get paid... but it made me feel so lousy! I was very discouraged. That week I also had a few jobs that I wantd to apply for... and that can always make you feel really crappy. Am I qualified? Am I ready to take on the job? Is my cover letter good? Is my resume good? I was lacking confidence in so many areas! So by the weekend I just wanted to cry! I was with my family but felt so disconnected from them. My brother tried to take me driving... and my mother fought with me. I felt like ass!
This month my family and I have also started to plan our family reunion! And I am somehow on the committee even though I am one of the younger family members! I spend Sunday's planning with my grandma and during the week I am emailng family and doing research! Yeah... the month has been insane!
Then the last Saturday of the month comes and I am feeling at my worst! And of all the people in the world to ring my doorbell that night... it's my best friend Grace!
I thank God for knowing just what I needed!
And God is able to make all grace abound to you,
so that in all things at all times,
having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
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