My Confessions -- Part 3

While I was in back Montreal, my little cousin was alone for the weekend in the house with my uncle. She was pretty upset with me for not coming back in time to be with her. Then one night, she MSNed me to let me know that her dad was telling her stuff that I told him about my life.

I froze.

I have a pretty bad memory for the things that come out of my mouth. And this is a major problem for me cos I lie AND I don't have any sort of cover over my mouth.

I still remember standing at the top of the mountain at the Base de Plein Aire with two of my fellow elementary classmates as they tell me that I have a big mouth! It was quite a sad and shocking realization. My best friend, who was the one making this statement, wasn't so impressed with me. I apparently broke her confidence in some way. And I can remember very similar situations in high school and in college.

I have a big mouth.

Those who really know me... know that it's not because I'm malicious. Often I'm talking about myself and their situation pertains to me. Or someone asks me something...and I always get caught! When it isn't family, I am usually pretty good now at being like "Uh... maybe you should ask them yourself". But apparently, when my uncle asked me about my cousin, I didn't say that.

I want people to trust me. I want to be worthy of their trust.

And being a big mouth makes me into a gossiper. And gossip turns into rumors. And then they all become a fire that kepts getting fed which causes it to grow! Until it's ugly and unsurmountable. Suddenly you don't even know what's true... or what's your feelings or what are the feelings of those around you. I hate gossip.

Because I know I'm quite susceptible to gossip... I have made it a point to have friends who aren't friends. So I can call one of my friends and vent... and it doesn't matter cos they're arbitrary. My friends see each other whenever I decide... random shopping events or holidays. But other then that there's no connection. And then you know that you have their confidentiality cos really who are they gonna tell?!?

Unfortunately, with my family it's still a big problem. How do I tell my grandma to go ask the person themself?!? Or if they didn't tell her she just doesn't need to know?!? There must be a polite and respectful way to do this. Because I hate the fires that are fueled in my family. I hate that we talk about one another and call it caring... when we don't have the cojones to just really talk to the person.

I believe that venting is necessary. I'm a venter! It's what I do... hence my blog! I need to just get everything off my chest. But I need to make sure to not do in a way that is detrimental to the person I'm venting about. And sometimes you wanna vent to the people you are close to... so I want to tell my grandma just how I feel about my brother... but that will definitely backfire!

I'm still learning... and I'm working on it. But to all those whose confidence I have broke, I'm genuinely sorry and I hope that you can forgive me. I'm praying for a cover over my mouth!

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

Proverbs 26:20

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Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,

and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 17:28

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My dear brothers, take note of this:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

James 1:19

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Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,

that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29