Kisha's Hierarchy of Friends

I think I call like a zillion people in the WORLD my best friend! Unfortunately, over time my actual best friends at the time got quite offended. They didn't get how I could use the words so flippantly! But sometimes "friend" just didn't suffice my sentiments! I needed to add an adjective there... and "best" was all I had. In 2006 though anyone with a brain was my best friend... maybe I did take it a little too far.

A few weeks ago, I told this guy who I just met that he was my first Brampton friend. He was quite shocked. I think I sounded a bit needy! He didn't really get how we were ALREADY friends. So to make sure he didn't runaway from me and leave me without any friends... I quickly devised my theory of friendship. I was pretty impressed with myself because it actually made sense. I've been wanting to share this with you guys for awhile to see what people thought... and maybe I could end up in a text book or something! LOL

My 6-levels of friendship is a hierarchy triangular theory. So basically the first level of the triangle is the biggest meaning that there are more people that fit in there... but as u climb this "ladder" the space gets smaller... not too many people fit in there.

The first level of friendship is ACQUAINTANCE and is obviously the biggest one. I have a lot of acquaintances... and only a small percentage of them are my Facebook friends. And I have 502 Facebook friends today! I even deleted a few of them during purification ceremonies! lol. But these are the people who I acknowledge in public... with a nodd or smile or wave. Sometimes will have a nice little chat about where they're at in life, the weather or something else very pertinent but not personal. Sometimes I know their names... sometimes I don't. It's okay though... we're happy just having that short little interaction. Especially if we're at a party and the people we came with left us... then you love your acquaintances... you might even hug them!

But sometimes your acquaintances become your FRIEND and this just means that you start making plans. So when you bump into them randomly, one of you usually says, "OMG! We should totally grab a coffee! Here's my number! You should definitely call me!" And then years go by and you see them again and you say the exact same thing! I love it! I love all these random invitations that very rarely happen. I'm not usually offended when things don't happen. I'm usually the one who doesn't show up though... because I'm ridiculously shy... and hate awkward situations. So if I only met you a few times and then you invite me out, I probably won't come! I just need a few more conversations with you before we spend any alone time!

Though there are times when these plans actually do pan out and then, according to me and my theory, these are your BEST FRIENDS. I could be jumping the gun here... maybe "good" would be a better adjective but "best" just sounds a lot more exciting when you yell it out across the room! But my best friends are those people who have actually taken the time to get to know me and follow-through with plans. They usually know random facts about who I am... and we send each other Christmas cards. And we also start making BIGGER plans! I think we everyone that I've called a best friend we have shared a dream... whether it's a business venture or a vacation... we're making BIG plans. And to me, it doesn't really matter if these pan out or not... it's quite fun to dream w/them anyways!

The next level is BINGE FRIENDS and they are my everyday friends. We make big plans and regular plans. I probably see my binge friends once a week and usually talk to them every other day. I'm lost without my binge friends! They keep me sane by knowing just about every small detail of my life and of theirs. They're the people I call when I wanna go shopping or catch a movie or just get out of my house. We do nothing most of the time and often talk about the same things all the time but it doesn't matter cos we just love being together.

Usually though, you can only binge a person for so long. Thankfully though binging has evolved since I was in grade school... cos honestly that was really intense! But after binging someone for awhile the automatically become FAMILY. These friends could probably get a key to my house if they wanted to. We know each other's parents and don't mind kicking it with them until you get home. And the thing about family friends is that you don't have to talk to them all the time to know that they love you. You could talk to them once a year and the friendship would still be strong! You know that you'll still be in each other's wedding and that your kids will call them auntie/uncle. And you know that when there's any kind of significant event like a break-up or a new job... that you'll be calling your family friends to let them know!

Unfotunately sometimes you do lose contact with them... especially as you get older. But there's always a special bond anyways. And often in my experience, I want these family friends to be something more. I don't want to just hear from them for the milestones but also for the little stones... the everyday things in life. Whenever you have someone on a certain level and you're not that type of friend for them...it's frustrating. Because you expect that person to be there for you in a certain way and they aren't.

As of right now I only have one BESTEST FRIEND who has climbed this interesting ladder of friendship. It was tough but she made it. I would describe her as my binge family friend... like we just can't get enough of each other. She's an active part of my life and I'm an active part of hers.

So that's my 6-level friendship model. I love that I can fit all my friendships into it... hehehe. But that doesn't
mean I value anyone's relationship over another... it just explains why I call everyone my best friend and why I get more frustrated with some people!!!

Bizzzzzzzzzzzzzack!

I still can't believe I'm in Montreal.

I honestly didn't plan on ever coming back. Obviously, I didn't know what the future held but I thought I would spend a few years in Toronto... live with my uncle, get a good job, pay off my debt, get my own place, save up and start a business... most likely in Toronto. But apparently God had other things in store.

I knew since after High School that I wanted to go live with my uncle. And after University I felt God told me that I needed to go to prepare me for my life... and I saw a red carpet begin to unravel in front of me so that I could walk on it. And then a year based and I finally went. I knew God had things to show me... but I just assumed it would take a while! Who knew that it would only take a few weeks! Usually God is not fast enough for me... and suddenly, I'm the one who's trying to catch up with Him.

The Sunday before I decided to leave, I felt God say to me that He was SENDING me to Montreal. Now for God to say sending, it's a pretty big deal. It means that you're going for His purposes... on His mission. I was so nervous. I was nervous that I would fail Him... and just go back to the way my life was before I moved. That I would return to my selfish Chrisitanity... go back to the daycare... and go back to living in denial and ignorance.

But when I was on the Coach bus, I started to feel like I was coming back to face my dragons. I know that sounds a little crazy... a little Bruce Lee but that's how I felt. There were things that I avoided because I had always planned on moving... things that I didn't work through or deal with. And now it was time to face them. So that they could stop haunting me. Like, w/Bruce Lee! But I was so scared. I could feel them as soon as the bus hit downtown... for some reason I have a lot of dragons.

The best thing about being a Christian is that it isn't about me though. I often try to make it about me and try to do things on my own. But I am continuously reminded that I can't do anything w/o God.

As soon as I walked through the front door though, I knew that I was different. God had changed me. AMEN! I was so amazed at how much I had matured and grown in such a short amount of time... leaps and bounds! And others noticed it too.

I came back home for an interview and then I escaped for a week to London, ON. Now that I'm back I have received a full-time and part-time job. So things are going to be very busy. And I'm nervous and also very excited.

I love that I can only boast about God for my growth and maturity as well as for these jobs. I'm in complete awe at how good He is to me. And not because I deserve it, but just because He loves me :)

This is what the Lord says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,

but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows Me,
that I Am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight."
declares the Lord
Jeremiah 9:23-24

So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord [...]
But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,
who has saved us and called us to a holy life--
not because of anything we have done
but because of His own purpose and grace.
This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.
2 Timothy 1:8-9

Down to the Nitty Gritty

Since being on my journey, my view of Christianity has changed quite a bit. That's in part due to the fact that before moving, I wasn't very excited about the whole religion thing... and I've also read some really good books. And of course they changed my life! But I honestly think they might change your life too. I would even call them mandatory reads... like the Bible! The first was "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. And the other was "The Shack" by William P. Young.

Both of them reminded me what Christianity is all about. Which is something I needed because I forget so often... I get caught up in all the hype... oh yeah, the Christianity hype and I completely forget why I even chose to follow this Christ person! And then I get hurt... as most people do by this church institution... and then I really wonder what I'm doing. But these books brought Christianity back to the nitty-gritty... to the simple truth of what it's all about.

Just incase you don't know what raw Christianity is... I'll let you know. It's about Love. Loving God and loving others. And trust me this isn't as simple as its said. Trying to accomplish either of these things is quite a hard task... I'm much better at ignoring God and smiling at others... maybe I should start a religion based on that. I would be a religious guru! Though I'm sure most of us have mastered the art of ignoring God and smiling at others.

I've also been reading a few issues of the Christian magazine Relevant. Mainly because I want to start writing for magazines and thought I would get a few ideas. But while reading this magazine, I was so convicted of my Christianity.

From cover to cover this magazine talks about people who are showing love... who are real live demonstrations of raw Christianity. Though books change my life and remind me of all the good stuff, I can still act like its something unattainable... because its in a book. But then I'm faced with the reality that people are actually living like Jesus did.

I remember once a youth leader sharing William Booth's vision... of people drowning and sinking in a raging sea while others sat safely on a platform. And of those who were safe... some of them were going back into the sea to rescue those still struggling. While the other safe ones just seemed to ignore them. William was says he was amazed in his vision, that those who were saved and then went back into the sea... didn't seem to care about the risk they were taking.

The Bible tells us that there is no greater love then laying down your life for another. Love is shown in your sacrifice... of your safety, time, money and energy. Love is selfless... it doesn't think about what can you do for me but what I can do for you! How can I bring hope to your life.

One of my favorite quotes which has been inaccurately attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson ends off with... "To know that even one life has breathed easier because of you. This is to have succeeded."

I'm tired of leading a selfish life... of trying to get success in money or a great job or a nice house. I'm tired of always thinking about my needs and what I'm lacking. I'm tired of focusing on what I want from life and from God.

I'm especially tired of putting off loving others... I keep saving it for when I'm better... when I'm happier or more stable. God forbid I died and didn't do any of it... oh, how sad it would be to know that I left this earth without ever really loving those who needed. That I stayed on that platform in my safety and watched others drown because I didn't want to get wet or take a risk.

I've taken stupider risks in my life... its time to start willing to risk it all for something that does matter... someone else's hope. I've gotten out the boat for things that would benefit me... it's time to start doing what I should be doing.

It's hard to call yourself a Christian because we all fall so short. And I know that I won't be perfect at being selfless... but I can at least die trying.

Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.

James 1:26-27 (Msg)

•

... "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"What is written in the Law?" [Jesus] replied. "How do you read it?"
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all you mind'; and,
'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
Luke 10:25-28

•

The Spirit of the Soverering Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfor all who mourn,

and provide for those who grive in Zion--

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

The will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of His splendor."

Isaiah 61:1-3

Wholeheartedly

The thought of going back to Montreal is quite saddening. Though I don't really think I'm one, somewhere in the back of my mind I definitely feel like a failure. That those who don't know me... or don't read this blog... will think I'm a failure. Like I couldn't hack it... or I've made yet another bad decision.

I'm like the queen of bad decisions or broken dreams... or things just not panning out the way I thought they would or the way I want them to. Like I've said before... I'm really not a pink covered book. I've had business ventures fall through... relationships become non-existant... vacations that I'm still paying for... jobs that I quit and end up right back at... an education that doesn't lead me to anything... the list goes on and on.

And now Toronto just fits right in... I thought it would be forever but once again, it didn't work out. Just like that business I got an account for or all my beauty products I planned to see or that party I invested 1000's of dollars or that guy I thought I would marry or that friend who I thought I would grow old with.

It's hard not to look at everything as a failure... and to not look back on my life as a big broken dream. But I'm sure people see it that way... actually people have told me they see it that way.

A few weeks ago I was watching Christina Applegate's sitcom, Samantha Who? where she was talking about all her bad relationships. She wanted to try to just forget about men for awhile because she was always falling in love and then getting heartbroken. But then her dad told that it was just who she was and it just showed that she was living.

I liked that.

I would rather look back on my life, not as a bunch of mistakes but rather... a bunch of risks I took. I tried things... and no they didn't work out but at least I tried. I take risks... I leap and jump and test the water... with my whole self! And more often then not, do I have to get back in the boat. But that's okay! Because at least I know I'm alive.

Someone once asked me if everything I do is calculated. And I was so offended because he was totally saying that I'm not spontanoeus... and now I realise, I'm a lot more of a risk-taker then he thought!

So yes, my life may look like it's filled with a zillion mistakes... and that is probably what most of you see. But trust me, in the end... everything will have worked out perfectly!

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28 (NLT)

Year of the Heart... a year for Change

This year, the holiday were like a whirlwind. They came so fast blowing around everything in its past and leaving me to pick up the pieces. I still haven't full recovered. And now I'm left wondering what I want for 2009.

I really didn't like 2008. It started out pretty positive with me getting my license after how long! And my adorable nephew being born! And I also got to work at the daycare full-time w/a group of kids that I adore. But then it quickly went down hill. I went into a depression and started just hating life. And instead of sleeping it all away like I usually do... I decided that I would just make it worse. I might as well make the most of the crap I had to deal with... what a stupid thing to do. I put myself in more debt just because I could and had a random fling that left me feeling more lonely. Many of my relationships dwindled... especially with God and those who encouraged me in my Christianity. I blamed it on my depression but it was probably more about shame. I didn't want to talk about what I was doing... I didn't want to face the reality. I just wanted to screw it all up worse. Thinking about I'm so dumbfounded... I almost acted like someone told me I had 3 months to live! BUT I DIDN'T! Then I quit my steady job for a pretty crappy seasonal job... only to end the summer with just a bit more debt and a lot more depression!

In August, I had made the decision to move to Toronto. I'm sure I gave a zillion reasons for this but there were 2 main ones. (1) I hoped that a change of scenery would end my depression. I wanted to get away from everything that I thought depressed me... family, work, fake friends, horrid relationships, a zillion mistakes! I just wanted to run away from them all. And I believed that once I did... I would be a better me. And (2) I chose Toronto as the city to become this better me because of my uncle and aunt. I wanted the experience of living with them... I felt that God wanted me to learn from them about marriage and financial success. I honestly could've went anywhere in the world... London was looking REALLY good but I wanted to be w/this family.

2008 was the year of new beginnings. And for me it was the year of faith. But for God new years seems to always be in September... which I get cos that's the new school year! But it was only in September that I started to get serious again. I was done screwing up my life and my relationships. I was done running away from God. I thank my Fairy Tale friend for reminding me that God is good... and His promises are real. And though this year I lost a lot of good people to death, distance and bad decisions. I still saw so much beauty... through weddings, engagements and births. I also had the opportunity to mend a broken relationship.

I love reflecting during the holidays... I'm able to refocus on what I'm doing and make sure I'm on the right track and that I'm exactly where I should be. I also like to see how far I've come... because if I'm not growing then what's the point?!? I want to look back to make sure that I've grown, learnt and matured. That I'm not the same girl I was last year... I'm better... I'm closer to the woman I'm suppose to be.

I feel like I've changed a lot. I'm definitely not the same girl I was in August. My friends fiance said to me that when you move... you grow leaps and bounds. That was some serious truth. I didn't think that in such a short amount of time I could grow and learn so much. But I know that I'm different... even if you don't see it yet.

And because of that I don't know if I'm going to stay in Toronto *gasp*

I realised my motivation for coming here wasn't based on truth.

A friend asked me a few weeks ago if I thought that I was running away. I told her that I thought I was moving on... actually, I realised I am running away. And it followed me here. I'm still depressed. It isn't going to go away with new surroundings. It's very real. And if I keep running from it then I won't ever get rid of it. It's time to face my fears... lay down my pride and just say that I need help.

I also recognized that I don't need a pseudo-father anymore. A spiritual father, yes (you're still good Pdiddy)... and a real father yes... but a pseudo one just isn't necessary when I have God. He's a perfect father... why should I go around seeking anything else. God tells me I'm beautiful and special and important... He tells me I'm worthy and lovely and that He has great plans for me. I am fulfilled. So now I can love my real father... I need to focus on him and loving him. Because I'm good. I need to stop looking for someone else to satisfy me in ways only God can.

I also noticed that I don't view success the same way. My sister-in-law is probably saying FINALLY ;) But I don't need a 2-door garage in my cottage house w/my 7 bathrooms and 9 tv's! I don't need an amazingly great job that gets me bank. Yes, I do want an island in my kitchen and I want my bedroom to be connected to a walk-in closet thats connected to a master bathroom... but honestly! If I don't have real relationship does any of that matter? If I don't have love does it matter how much money I make? Can I take it with me? And YES, I do need to make money and I do need to pay off my debt... but that should not be my focus. God can take care of that easily... I need to keep my focus on the things that really matter... and that's relationship and community.

I've also stopped neglecting the value of a church family. I was never into the whole church family. I had my own family, why on earth would I want more people in business telling me what to do?!? But being away from my church, I realised how much I need their love. It truly is a reflection of God's heart... because just like He's working in me... He's working in them too... to learn how to show unconditional love. And yes, I do have amazing people in my life who love me beyond measure... but my church is full of people who do it. And I'm not saying they're perfect... cos we all know none of us are perfect... but I'm happy to know God is working in them. And I miss that love immensely. My pastor told me a few weeks ago to just stop thinking and realise that I am loved... I did.

I've also reaffirmed how much I want a Jesus-loving family... that focuses on community and relationship. I want a husband who will encourage me and pray with me. Who will want to grow and help me grow.... who will train up my sons to protect and love with honor... and tell my daughters they are beautiful, smart princesses who deserve a prince. I want to guide my children to pursue Jesus and relationship.

And of course God has taught me tons about our relationship! I've learnt so much about faith this year... I guess that's what I get for tattooing it my arm. And I'm still learning how to trust God completely... to rest in Him like I trust that my bed won't break when I'm sleeping. I'm still learning to know that my life is in His Hands and that no matter what I do... He'll make sure that His plans and purposes will come to pass. Even if He has to send talking animals or angels... He'll get the job done. I'm learning to except that I'm a rough uncut diamond... that He's trying to smooth out... and He probably won't be finished in this life time but I can trust that I become more and more beautiful everyday. And because of that... I don't wnt to boast about my own accomplishments... I only want to boast about Him. Oh what a joy it would be for people to see His Hand in my life... for those who don't know Him to see how real He is by how far He has brought me. That they will see how much I don't deserve anything that I got but He's so good that He gave it to me anyways. That they will know of Gods love through all that He has done for me... and long to have Him do the same in their life. I want them to know I'm a Jesus-lover without ever saying it...

Obviously, many of these things have been relearnt and reaffirmed. They were told to me before but never took heart. Our learning's are like onions... we peel away a layer and think we got it until another layer is peeled. Each one hurts more... we cry more but by the end it's gone... we got it! And I'm sorry to the people that have been telling me most of these things for years... but thank you for your patience!

So I go into 2009 quite excited... I don't know what it holds... I don't know really know where I'm going but I'm trusting my really Big God that everything will work out just as He wants it to. And if I stay in Toronto, I know that it'll be good. But if I go back to Montreal... I won't think that I wasted my time. I gained so much... and believe that it is a stepping stone to the path that I need to be on.

My favorite verse in the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." And I once read that the Hebrew word for future is like a man rowing a boat... he rows forwad looking at the past w/his back to the future. We can't see where we're going but we can see how far we've come. And we need to trust... that we're going where we should be.

I pray that you recognize all that you've accomplished and learnt in 2008 but continue to move forward with it. Don't stay there... grow, learn... live! And as a friend has said... as well as Obama... now is the time for change! This is the year for change... to make a difference in your life and others. It's also the year of the heart... the year of love. And love is what makes a difference... love is what changes us.

Happy New Year!