Time for Change

Life got a little harder this year. I got a little bit more depressed... family life got a little bit more crazy... my job got a little crappier... my debt got a lot bigger. Oh the list can go on and on. But worse of all, I lost hope. I didn't think it was possible. But I was sure that God forgot about me. I didn't stop believing entirely... I just stopped believing for me. I could see all the great things God was doing for those around me... but for me, things were looking a little fuzzy. It only seemed to be getting worse. And all the promises He made seemed to get lost in all the mistakes I made. I was sure it was my fault... I must've not done something or not enough of something else. Or maybe it was all the things I was doing. Needless to say... I lost hope. I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a very dark tunnel... too far to go back and to scared to go forward. Where was the end of this tunnel?

I just turned 24 this summer. But in my eyes... my life is almost done. Maybe it's because of all the dreams I had... hoping for certain things at a certain age. I probably shouldn't have put a time limit on life... I thought I was being goal-oriented. But everyone seems to have the same reaction to my sentiments... I am so young. I probably am too young to feel like life has lost hope.

So it's time for a change...

I'm moving to Toronto.

I've been throwing this around for a few years. But finally I'm going to do it. Just the thought makes me very excited. I am a firm believer in change... it helps keep perspective. And I need a lot of things to change... so moving to another city seems like the best thing.

Firstly, moving will give me a change of career! I should be able to find a job that I love and that pays me something that I deserve! And this job... will help me to deal with debt situation. That will be a big weight lifted off my head. Debt is almost crippling... I can't go anywhere or do anything. And since it isn't going to be cleared miraculously, I should get a better paying job!

Secondly, I'll be moving out of my house! I think I have reached the age where I'll have a better relationship with my mom if I didn't live under her roof. We just might have more things to talk about. But I won't be living on my own quite yet. But I am excited to live with another family... to learn the way another family is run... and to learn about a two-parent home... to learn from successful people.

It's also going to be great to change churches. I'm not very good at church-hopping but I know that my church and I are not moving in the same direction. It has become so difficult for me... to not be able to grow there. So hopefully I find somewhere that can help me grow.

And of course I'm excited to move away from the city where my heart has been broken one too many times. I'm still not sure if changing cities will really help... but I think it might make it easier. I'll have less memories in my face... less opportunities of bumping into someone... and more opportunity just to move on.

I know that I will face different obstacles by moving but I am going to try to believe that... things will get better.................. I will be better!