The Start of Making Sense

This year I celebrated my champagne birthday. I turned 24 years old on the 24th. Very exciting. I remember thinking of this birthday for many years prior to it. I love dates and celebrations... they excite me. For this reason, I had to make my champagne birthday rather memorable. So I got a tattoo. I wanted something meaningful... unlike my other two tattoos. I'll never regret them but they were done during a very difficult point in my life... and done for very stupid reasons with rather stupid people! Needless to say, I wanted my next tattoo to represent something very beautiful.

I decided to have the words "Faith" written on the inside of my arm. I wanted a visible reminder of my commitment to God and the life that I had chosen. And in Scripture, God tells the Israelites to bind the laws on their hands and foreheads as a reminder (Deuteronomy 6:8). In Judaism, people tie little boxes that contain the laws on scrolls to their arms. They tie it to their left arm so that the box can rest on their heart. So that's where my Faith is... bound to my arm (my strength) and close to my heart.

But I think when I did it, it was definitely an act of faith because I didn't have any of it! I didn't believe in the things unseen. Or the promises God has spoken over my life or this whole Christian walk. Actually, after getting the tattoo I wondered why I did it if I didn't even believe! I regretted it a bit! Who was I to be going around declaring faith on my arm! God forbid someone asked me about faith... I'd just start talking about the Jews! But thankfully God knew what was going on... because I sure didn't.

And now, 2 months after getting this tattoo, it's all starting to make sense. This is my year of faith!

Yes, yes, I know I said it was the year of new beginnings. Good ole' number 8. But it all ties in together. Really!

2008 definitely didn't start off feeling like the year of new beginnings. It felt more like the year of "hahaha-you-thought-you-dealt-with-this-already"! I was facing issues that I hadn't dealt with 2007 because it was over or so I had thought. But then I was talking to a few people during the summer about how we all felt 2008 was going. And most had reported that it had been a rather difficult 6 months. But one person said to me that for something to come to life it must first die (speaking specifically about seeds). And another person said that now that summer is over they are feeling a burst of excitement for the things to come. And usually autumn wouldn't bring on such great antcipation but this year, it was! So maybe everything that needed to die is dead and we are finally ready to grow into our new beginnings!!!

But wait! Before I start rushing off to grow into a beautiful yellow tulip in the middle of the fall... something seems to be holding me back! Ah yes, that's the problem... IM STILL STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A PITCH BLACK TUNNEL!!! Unable to see the light at either end! Unable to even see my own hand... I can't see anything. And to make matters worse, I'm hearing everything. I'm hearing my voice... your voice... the voice of all my friends and families... and not to mention the voice of demons and angels! Great! So now, which way should I go so that I can enjoy my new beginnings? What's that? What's that you say??? Oh wait, I can't hear you! BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS TELLING ME WHERE TO GO!

I've actually been in this situation before in real life. For one of the zillion parts of my Champagne Birthday, I went to the restaurant O.Noir. For those of you who have never heard of this restaurant, it is quite an experience. You basically eat your meal in complete darkness. Thankfully you're meal is ordered in the foyer in the light but then after you are lead in to your table in the dark by your visually impaired waiter. Unfortunately for me, I'm claustrophobic! So we enter into the dining area, my dinner guests and I are in a line with our right hand on each other's shoulder. The darkness feels like it punches me in the stomach and knocks the wind out of me... breathing starts to become difficult. And the restaurant is insanely noisey! I feel like there are a zillion people in the room and I don't know where the walls or ceiling are. I'm actually ready to run out of there with my arms flailing. But as I turn my head around to make a quick exit into the dark abyss, I remember that my big brother is in the back of my line. Of course he's laughing hysterically! But I trust him. And if he's there I know he will look out for me. I don't have to be scared of the dark because he's in it with me... to hold my hand. (I know, I'm a big baby... but I don't really care)

But unlike at O.Noir, my big brother is not in my tunnel! And even if I wanted him there, he couldn't get in. His annoying voice is there asking me all these foolish questions (right, Eddie?!?). But he's not there to hold my hand and protect me. I'm all alone. Or am I?

Who among you fears the LORD

and obeys the word of his servant?

Let him who walks in the dark,

who has no light,

trust in the name of the LORD

and rely on his God.

Isaiah 50:10