Just call me... the Love Doctor ;)

Having had the opportunity to witness many relationships but not have too many of my own... I have so much insight. I am sure that no one really wants to hear about my insight because they would really wonder what I could possible know about anything I haven't really experienced. But I think in our society we do it all the time... or at least I do. I'm always giving people tips on parallel parking and making curried chicken... all things that I have never acutally done on my own but have had the opportunity to witness many times! And when with other couples... I like to watch what they do so I can be ready for mine. Unfortunately, there are not too many models of what I want around me. Actually, there really is only one... and two in progress.

My role model couples is my uncle and aunt who have been married for 11 years now and have 3 children. They started dating when they were young... like arond 14 years old... maybe she was 12 and he was 15. And they kept going out and then breaking up... until they got married! And I absolutely adore their relationship! They have both just decided that they are going to fight for their relationship to work. So no matter the arguement, fight or how annoyed they get with each other... they decided to stay together... and to make it work!

And this leads me to my first belief about relationships... love is a choice we choose to make every day. I do believe in that 'in love' stuff... all that weak in the knees and butterflies in your stomach crap... but that fades. Sometimes very quickly. But love... to actually love someone you need to decide to do that. It is a commitment you make... that no matter you are going to love them! And this can be pretty difficult! Especially if you're like me and you fall 'in love' with everyone! I always think that I should come with a little note tied to my wrist: WARNING: FALLS IN LOVE EASILY. My love is purely based on... noticing me! And nothing else really matters... I don't care if you're attractive or a killer... if you take the time to talk to me and ask me questions... and you notice things about me... I am pretty much sold. It truly is a very bad quality. But I know that I do it, apparently! And because of that... I rarely am going to go up to someone and tell them that I love them... just because I have butterflies in my stomach! I mean, honestly!!! I am not compatible with most of them and I also have standards... like, I am trying to avoid the killers!

I personally like to have that 'in love' feeling... a lot of people have never experienced... and don't want to. That's sad but HEY! To each their own. However, if you want to love someone... it helps to be compatible. Knowing yourself really makes a difference! And so because I know my strengths and weaknesses, I believe that my Mr. Right would have almost the opposites. But he does need to share the same passions and beliefs I do... like laughter and religion. And these things help you to be able love someone. Because... those are also the things that help you to like someone! Ah yes, you should always like the person you are with! If you wouldn't be friends with them... then you probably shouldn't date them either! A lot of people don't take that into consideration! I personally want him to compliment my personality... and to make me a better me.

So some of you may be thinking that you are on the right track... you know that those 'in love' feelings are not the be all and end all to a relationship... you like the person you are with... they compliment you and help you become a better person. Great! You think you got it made... but there's just one more step! Which for me is the biggest one... because I can easily fall in love with any man that is compatible with me. No problem! But will he be able to be my partner? And when I say partner... I mean in the sense of like a business partner! Just like in marriage, people get all kinds of business partners that they end up not being able to work with for many different reasons... but one of the major one's is different philosophy and vision! And that is lacking in so many relationships. I am looking for someone who wants the same things I want... and do similar things to what I want to do... and get there in a similar way! Yes, there is always room for change and for restructuring... but at the end of the day, you need to be going the same place. And not just to have children and a clean house... you need to share a purpose. And a lot of people don't even have a purpose for their own life... but you really should, especially if you are in a serious committed relationship. And once you share that... loving that person on a daily basis will be so much easier.

I do know many couples though that probably can tick off all these points for their relationship but they are still lacking something. And that is often themselves. If you don't have your own identity and purpose... if you don't know yourself... then you don't really have too much to offer someone else. I have seen so many people who just stand next to their significant other and say nothing but "I love them"... so no matter how foolish they get or no matter how much they hurt you or no matter how annoyed or fed up you are... you do nothing! You try to avoid arguements and fighting... and try to keep the peace as best as possible. And all because you aren't secure in you!!! You have no idea what you want! I just want to give those people a good shake to wake them up! And sometimes I do... lol.

I guess that's probably the main things that I have learned from watching other people's relationships... the mistakes I see people make pretty often. And I guess we have all been there. But trust me, it really helps when you learn from your mistakes ;)

Genesis 2:24

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.