See you soon!

I'm already homesick! It started lastnight... which would only be my 3rd night. I couldn't believe that I was already homesick. I wanted my bed... my room... my mom... my friends. I wanted to be in my own element where I have my own life.

Since I haven't even been here for a week, this should feel like vacation. But it doesn't. I wouldn't go on vacation when it's cold and everyone else is at work at school.

I already want to go home.

I mean, obviously I'm not going to go. I just got here.

I hate not having somewhere to go where it's just my space. My room isn't ready yet... all my belonging's and clothes are still in boxes. I feel like I'm just passing through but I know I'm not. I feel like I don't really belong. I don't have a room or parents or siblings or friends.

I cried lastnight.

I have been quite emotional lately though. I cried a lot when saying goodbye to people. Obviously I cried when saying bye to my nephew and sister-in-law and my brothers. I made my goodbyes w/my other family really short and fast to avoid my tears. I cried when I said goodbye to my pastor's and my church... actually I more sobbed hysterically. I cried when I said goodbye to friends...

To make myself feel better I decided that there weren`t goodbyes. It was more of a 'see you later' or 'see you soon'. I often try to trick my brain. I love denial!

But now, here I am, living in Brampton... wondering if I can really do this.

Not with a few more nights of tears.