Happy Jesus' Birthday!

Christmas was never one of my favorite holidays... even when I was little. Growing up I knew there wasn't a Santa and that I wasn't going to get everything (or anything) that I asked for. It was hard for my mom to try to give us the best Christmas she could... filled with turkey and presents. But my mom's a star and God always found a way to give a Christmas. When I got older, I started to enjoy the hustle and bustle of Christmas. I wanted to give everyone in my family the perfect gift and enjoyed shopping for it. But the past 2 years my family and I gave up on the idea of givng gifts... what a beautiful thing. I absolutely love our un-commercial Christmas. It helps me to remember what this holiday is all about... because decorated evergreens, candy canes and turkey just don't do it for me. So now I do it Charlie Brown style!

As a Christian, Easter was always more important to me then Christmas. But this year, I began to understand that Jesus coming to earth was just as important as Him leaving it. He came for me! He left heaven and His throne to show me the way... to set an example for me. He didn't just take away my sins, He gave me something to live for!

For God so loved the world that He gave

His one and only Son,

that whoever believes in Him shall not perish

but have eternal life.

John 3:16

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Jesus answered,

"I am the way and the truth and the life..."

John 14:6

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For to me,

to live is Christ

and to die is gain.

Philippians 1:21

It's Not About Me

Over a zillion times in my life, I've heard people and have even said myself, "Don't take this personally but..." or just "Don't take it personal". And I still have no idea what it means. Actually, I'm in the process of googling it to find out if anyone out there knows. Apparently not! It's just another one of the phrases we say too much and now one really knows what they're saying. Maybe I should ask one of my uber smart friends :P

Up until recently though, that phrase use to really make me upset! Because it would always come right before someone giving me some criticism. "Don't take this personally, but you're a horrible person!" What the heck?!? How do I not take it personally... YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME! So instead of trying to figure how I'm not suppose to be taking all these random facts about myself personally... I just took everything personally! And that only got me as far as my bed with the covers over my head crying... about what a horrible person I am. All my mistakes, all my failures, all my sins, all my weaknesses, all the things I needed to work on, all the missed opportunities... EVERYTHING was taken straight to heart.

And taking things personally started to make me upset with God. Because I wanted to know why He did this to me?! Why did He make me like this? Why didn't He fix things?

A few weeks ago, a guest preacher at the church I go to Brampton, shared that he had been diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. And instead of believing what the medical report was he was going to stand on the report of the Lord. Amen! And then he was talking to the congregation about things that we might be going through. And how we need to believe the promises God has made to us and stand firm in it. And then he said it... "Don't take your struggle personally". And I was confused because I was thinking... obviously I'm going to take it personal! It's me! But he went on to say that it actually isn't about me. That my struggle... my weaknesses... my problems isn't about me and it isn't because God is cruel. It's just a part of a bigger picture that isn't about me as well!

Verrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting Roosevelt Hunter!

So it isn't about me?!?! So even though it really sounds like it's about me... it's not! I don't have to take this personally... I can just give it to God and continue doing my thing!?!

Why yes I can!

So lately, I've been realising all the things in life that I take personally. And then I stop. I remind myself that it isn't about me and that God is working things out. And I just need to remain obedient and trust Him!

All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith,

yet none of them received ALL that God had promised.

For God had something better in mind for us,

so that they would not reach perfectiong without us.

Therefore, since we are surrounded

by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith,

let us strip off every weight that slows us down,

especially the sin that so easily trips us up.

And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus,

the champion who initiates and perfects our faith...

Hebrews 11:39-12:2

My Confessions -- Part 3

While I was in back Montreal, my little cousin was alone for the weekend in the house with my uncle. She was pretty upset with me for not coming back in time to be with her. Then one night, she MSNed me to let me know that her dad was telling her stuff that I told him about my life.

I froze.

I have a pretty bad memory for the things that come out of my mouth. And this is a major problem for me cos I lie AND I don't have any sort of cover over my mouth.

I still remember standing at the top of the mountain at the Base de Plein Aire with two of my fellow elementary classmates as they tell me that I have a big mouth! It was quite a sad and shocking realization. My best friend, who was the one making this statement, wasn't so impressed with me. I apparently broke her confidence in some way. And I can remember very similar situations in high school and in college.

I have a big mouth.

Those who really know me... know that it's not because I'm malicious. Often I'm talking about myself and their situation pertains to me. Or someone asks me something...and I always get caught! When it isn't family, I am usually pretty good now at being like "Uh... maybe you should ask them yourself". But apparently, when my uncle asked me about my cousin, I didn't say that.

I want people to trust me. I want to be worthy of their trust.

And being a big mouth makes me into a gossiper. And gossip turns into rumors. And then they all become a fire that kepts getting fed which causes it to grow! Until it's ugly and unsurmountable. Suddenly you don't even know what's true... or what's your feelings or what are the feelings of those around you. I hate gossip.

Because I know I'm quite susceptible to gossip... I have made it a point to have friends who aren't friends. So I can call one of my friends and vent... and it doesn't matter cos they're arbitrary. My friends see each other whenever I decide... random shopping events or holidays. But other then that there's no connection. And then you know that you have their confidentiality cos really who are they gonna tell?!?

Unfortunately, with my family it's still a big problem. How do I tell my grandma to go ask the person themself?!? Or if they didn't tell her she just doesn't need to know?!? There must be a polite and respectful way to do this. Because I hate the fires that are fueled in my family. I hate that we talk about one another and call it caring... when we don't have the cojones to just really talk to the person.

I believe that venting is necessary. I'm a venter! It's what I do... hence my blog! I need to just get everything off my chest. But I need to make sure to not do in a way that is detrimental to the person I'm venting about. And sometimes you wanna vent to the people you are close to... so I want to tell my grandma just how I feel about my brother... but that will definitely backfire!

I'm still learning... and I'm working on it. But to all those whose confidence I have broke, I'm genuinely sorry and I hope that you can forgive me. I'm praying for a cover over my mouth!

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

Proverbs 26:20

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Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,

and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 17:28

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My dear brothers, take note of this:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

James 1:19

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Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,

that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

I Have Decided...

My goodness! It feels like forever since I last wrote! How I miss this time of reflection! & I know you miss all my random thoughts ;) I have a bunch of topics that I want to talk about so this blog should be quite updated for the next few days!

Once again I am re-reading my favorite books, the Mark of the Lion Trilogy by Francine Rivers. I'm so happy I bought these books... cos now I can read them all the time. This set is actually the first book that I've ever re-read. Usually I'm pretty content reading a book once. But this book I can read a zillion times. I think this is my 3rd or 4th time reading them. And everytime I do... I get something else from it.

The book focuses on a few characters whose lives are somehow with one another but mostly it focuses on this one girl, Hadassah... who is a Christian when Rome conquered Jerusalem. I absolutely love this character... Hadassah has changed my life so many times. I always learn something new from her! The author used her to create such a simple and realistic way to be a Christian that you can't help but be inspired. Everytime I read the books I'm reminded what Christianity is all about... and the kind of person I'm maturing to be.

Of course the Trilogy has a love story in it. Hadassah and Marcus (a Roman) fall in love w/each other. But Hadassah is a slave in Marcus' house... but he falls in love with her still. Because she's so different. He keeps saying how she's unlike anyone he's ever met. She isn't like every other girl.

I want to be seen that way.

But I realised that the difference between Hadassah and I... well at least one of the many differences... is that she carries herself as one who is different. She has set apart herself from every other girl. She knows her worth and her purpose. She is following Christ wholeheartedly... standing on the things she believes in. No matter the sacrifice. She gives up the love of her life to follow God.

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about being seen as nothing special. And I feel like I do things to try to stand out but not to God... Who really matters. I try to be seen as special to the world's standards. Am I really acting like I'm something special? Am I setting myself apart? Being true to who I really am and what I'm all about? Or am I just trying to be who I think someone else wants to me to be... mirroring what I see in their eyes... being like everyone else?

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

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If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath. It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God.

1 Peter 3:14-18 (The Message)

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Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58 (New International Version)

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Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Hebrews 12:1-3 (The Message)

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Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

Matthew 16:24-25 (The Message)