Token "Black" Girl

I need to go on a little rant!

I hate being the token black girl... and then having it pointed out!

I've been the token black girl for most of my life. Which is fine! I've always went to multicultural schools where I hung out with everyone! My past best friends have represented most of the nations of the world... and my present friends do to. So I have often been known as the tall black skinny girl! I get it... easiest way to point me out in a crowd or describe me to someone else!

But what I don't like is when being the token black girl makes me insanely uncomfortable. Where I wish that I wasn't... or I feel lower then everyone else. THIS is not a good feeling! And this feeling doesn't come from the stranger on the street screaming out N*gger... or from the women in the store following me around. This feeling of being ostracized comes from actually hanging around with people!

I felt uncomfortable a lot while helping my friend plan her wedding. I kept hearing comments like "Well we're not black so we can't do that" or "Well all of North America does that... except for you" or "We couldn't walk down the aisle to a song you would pick because we don't like R&B".

The problem with all of these comments is that they were soooooooooooooooooooo off! They were unnecessary comments to make and weren't even applicable! Everyone just assumed what I was thinking instead of asking me... everyone just assumed that I knew nothing about a "white" wedding!

I've also felt pretty uncomfortable while hanging out with a former co-worker's friend. She'll continue to make comments about being black and white... as she is of mixed race and feels that she can do that! But all the while making me feel like I'm so beneath everyone for looking fully black. She'll make comments about how I don't go to certain places because there's no black people there... or how I wouldn't want to go into that bar because there's no black people. The worse was when she told everyone that it was obvious that I knew the song that the DJ was playing because it was by a black artist! I almost felt like I should stop talking to everyone... because I was so beneath them and I shouldn't interact with people of other races even if I knew how! Which apparently I didn't!

My best friend is going to be reading this wondering when I'm going to say that I'm not black! hahaha!

I'm not fully black! My mother is of hispanic and desi (indian) descent... while my father is mostly black. So I'm of mixed-race!

And I don't even really identify with being black. It's too broad. And when people think of black they APPARENTLY think of Jay-Z or Beyonce... talking ghetto and listening to hip hop... wearing bling and Baby Phat! But that's just a small part of those who are considered black! There's Africans, West Indians and Hispanics... each of them have a completely different culture; they don't use the same slang or dress the same way... they don't listen to the same music or have the same ideals.

I do identify with being a Canadian West Indian... and that's by choice because not everyone in my house identifies with it. I like having made the choice to what defines me... I'm not going to follow society's idea of what being black is just because of how much melanin God gave me!

And I just wish people took the time to ask me what I was all about. Instead of just assuming. Ask me why I wear gold or if my hair is real... ask me what kind of music I listen to and if most of my friends are black! And if you even take the time to really talk to me... you'll realise that I sound like a Valley Girl and often say random words in Italian!

I'm still trying to figure out what to do in those moments when I feel like I'm beneath everyone else for being black... I am praying that I don't have to be in that situation again, but that might just be wishful thinking!