Deadline

I just finished reading the book Deadline by Randy Alcorn. I started it when I was on the plane heading to Italy... but started another book while I was there so only started to read it again since I got back. And the past week I have been in intense book reading mode. All I've been wanting to do is curl in a ball and get lost in a book. I am probably still in that mode... all the things that I am trying to figure out... it's nice to have a distraction.

Deadline is a Christian book. I must say that I adore Christian fiction! It's so nice to read a book with all sorts of morals and values. And that makes you think but not so much that you need to take notes. Because I read Christian study book as well... but they aren't that great of a read on the bus... or really late at night. But a fiction book is very good company in most circumstances.

In Deadline, a man lost two of his best friends in a car accident... one of his friends was a Christian and the other was not. So Randy took me through the journey of this man finding Christ while letting us get a glimpse of his friends eternity. And on this journey we managed to encounter all sort of other pretty heavy topics (as if heaven and hell weren't heavy enough). It talked about abortion, homosexuality, promiscuity, racism, the effects of the media, teen pregnancy, safe sex, the effects of public schools, adultery, individuals with special needs, ethics in the workplace, marriages, family life... ohmygosh! Just looking at the list I am so overwhelmed! Like Randy thought this was the only book he would ever right so he had to put EVERYTHING in it! So of course such a heavy book left thinking about so much... which is exciting for you... MORE BLOGS! hahaha.

The book left me asking myself a lot of questions... most of them pertaining to the way I live my life.. and how that will affect my eternity. I am pretty confident that I am going to heaven... or else I'd be pretty silly to be following this religion! But even when I get to heaven... it's not like everything I have done is going to be erased from my mind. Though I wouldn't mind if a few things were. So I'm wonderinf now how my eternity in heaven is going to be looking. Is God going to say "Well done, good & faithful servant"... or is He going to be like.. "Well.............. would this be a good time to say I told you so?!" And am I storing up earthly treasures or heavenly ones? Is my life all about money and material things and school and my career... all things that will not be following me to heaven! Or is it about encouraging and helping those around me? People are probably the only thing that will be in heaven with me. And it's so easy to get caught up in all the things that life has to offer. And what are other people going to say about me when I'm gone? Will I leave more then just a bank account behind or will I have made a difference to someone? Will I have made an impact... left my mark on this world? I just don't want to wait until it's too late to start living a purposeful life... a life that has meaning... and brings me joy and satisfaction.

Often times when I think about how I need to life more purposefully... I get a little overwhelmed. I think of all the things I need to be doing. And that really only leads to depression! I have to continuously remind myself that I will not be perfect no matter how hard I strive for it... and no matter how many people try to demand it. So I remind myself to take baby steps... especially during moments of self-reflection. But really, all I need to do is use what God has already given me... exactly where I am.

So I am hoping that during this intense decision-making time... I will remember the things that matter. That I will keep my eyes on the important things in life... the things that I can carry on with me to heaven. I'm finished fighting for things that are not real... or will not be with me forever. I'm finished striving for earthly pleasure... I want eternal joy.

Mark 8:35

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.

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Philippians 1:21

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

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Matthew 25:20,21

The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Jehovah Jireh - God my Provider

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:11

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I just need to take a moment to thank God all that He has blessed me with! Because really, where would I be without Him? What would I be without Him? He truly is my everything... my friend, counselor, protector and provider!

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The past few weeks have been pretty stressful for me. I have been feeling really lost coming back from my trip. Being out of school... I feel like I need to make some serious decisions. And I hate wasting time... which just seems to put more stress on me. I'm broke and don't have a job... and to some people that might seem so simple. Go out and get a job! Unfortunately for me... life just isn't that simple. I just have so much riding on every decision I make... I want everything I do to be what God wants me to do. And of course I haven't always done that in my life... because I wasn't willing to wait on Him. Pretty much every mistake I've made really comes down to waiting. It's so much easier to take the short-term enjoyment then wait for the eternal satisfaction! But I want to start waiting... I want to wait for what God has in store for me... for the blessings He has for me.

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So I have been praying a lot for direction... do I look for a career job or an in the mean-time job? Do I look for a job in Montreal? Toronto? New York? London? Do I start my own business? What am I doing with my life?!?

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But as I'm waiting for the answer to these questions... life is still going on! So I still have bills to pay... and I still need to be doing some kind of activity! I mean, when my mom comes home and asks me what I did all day... I can't just say... I prayed! I would definitely get a lecture about how jobs don't just fall from the sky. And she would retell me the story of the man who drowned waiting for God to save him... when he had multiple opportunities to be saved! So I tried to do as much as I could without making a decsion... praying that God wouldn't forget me! Trying to keep my faith... knowing that He promises to take care of everything.

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And once again He has proven Himself faithful! I was really stressed out about one of my bills that I wouldn't be able to pay. And as I was trying to figure out all the ways that I could try to pay it... by using my pitiful human strength... God came through... I got the money. And though I believe in supernatural things... this wasn't that supernatural... but a blessing just the same. Between my government checks, some money I brought back from Europe... and a very random blessing from a friend... I was able to pay my bill. Praise God!

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But now I have made a decision... and I am so scared that it wasn't the right thing to do. I decided to start subsituting at the daycare again... even though I quit in June :P And I know that part of me is thinking that it's a back up plan if God doesn't come through! And that really isn't a good idea! The hardest thing about choosing to do what God wants you to do... is sometimes you look very stupid to everyone else! So as much as other people think, well! You need the money so why not work... I'm thinking, oh no! am I taking matters into my own hands and not waiting! Or is this what He wants me to do!?! I don't know!

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I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

[and] those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Pslam 130:5; Isaiah 40:3

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And God is so into waiting! He wants us to wait for prayers to be answered... He wants us to wait for promises to be fulfilled! Which is a hard thing to grasp in our society... I try to avoid waiting for anything... and my world caters to this! But waiting is so good... because it builds character, determination... and teaches persistence and consistency. A few qualities that I could work on.

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So since I have decided to follow Jesus with all that I have... I should be waiting on Him for all that I need. Which is hard for me to explain to people! I try to explain why I'm not working or why I'm broke or why I don't just follow my dreams... to move or to start my own business... or why not call the guy I think I'm gonna marry!!! Because I'm waiting... and if I continue to wait with my hope in Him... trusting that God will continue to be my everything... the end result will be beyond my wildest imagination! :)

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"No eye has seen,

no ear has heard,

no mind has conceived

what God has prepared for those who love him"

1 Corinthians 2:9

Pretty Close to Perfect

Now most of you know that Jesus is my Best Friend! And a really good one too. He's always there... loving me and supporting me. He offers the best advice and always knows just what to say! But that doesn't mean that I don't still need a human best friend. And I literally thank Him everyday for the best friend He has given me.

I love my best friend Grace so much! Even though her and I are so different... even though she does really random things that drive my crazy... even though she makes mistakes... I wouldn't change her for anything. Not that I could even if I wanted to... because we both know that our friendship is all God... because we probably never would have chosen each other. Simply because we are so different. I mean, the only thing we have in common is our love for Jesus and our love for stainless steel! But somehow God has brought us together... and we have held on to it by faith... and sweat and tears! And now it's one of the greatest gifts we have.

And good friends are hard to come by... especially if you are an introvert... like myself. Because I would rather have just one really close friend then a bunch of not so close friends. So I've had a zillion best friends... hoping that they could be that one really good friend. The one who I can share everything with and know that they will always try their hardest to be there. And who can share everything with me and trust me and rely on me. And a lot of people say that is unrealistic... no one can expend themselves so much! But I do for all my friends... so how come you can't?

And I do know some really great people who have helped me in times of need. And some of those people are really good friends who I talk to and see on a regular basis. And I am blessed by all of them. But I only have one best friend. She's the only friend that has there for me all the time... the only friend who loves me enough to know exactly what I need. I love that I can call her crying and pour out my heart and she won't say anything! I can always be me... no matter how rude, depressed, happy, upset, sacrilegious, hyper... she still loves me! And I am so blessed to be able to be that for her too!



So this blog is dedicated to my best friend, Grace! Who has given me a pretty close to perfect friendship!

Proverbs 18:24

A man of many companions may come to ruin,

but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Ecclesiastes 4:10

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

1 John 4:111

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.